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Kate is pregnant, I am the father, we're probably getting married as well.


Okay, now that you are past the initial shock, dear Reader, I will indulge you by sharing the details. First of all, I'll get you up to date on what's been going on in my private life. As I have mentioned last time, well, prior to the teaser, I moved in with Kate earlier this year and things have been smooth ever since. To be honest, our personalities aren't really aligned, but that doesn't seem to be a problem, we almost never argue over anything and even if we do, it can be easily settled (there was one exception, but we managed to solve that as well in short order). Thus, with everything more or less okay between us, we only had to worry about the financial issues (both for us and our relatives), but that was just a regular stress factor, not a daily challenge. I bloody hope it will stay that way and not become a monstrous fuck-up. But I digress.

We went to St. Gotthard, were my great-grandmother used to live and where my father's side of the family originates from. This small town is on the border right next to Austria and Slovenia, so we go there pretty often to relax and enjoy some foreign countries without having to pay for accommodation (we half inherited, half bought my great-grandmother's empty flat). We were there for the August 20 festivities (FYI, the 20th of August is the annual celebration of Hungary's birth as a sovereign state, back in 1000 AD), enjoying a few days of peace and quiet. Little did we know that this August 20 was going to more than just a national holiday. Anyhow, we came back to Budapest and she visited her gyneacologist to ask what needed to be done if we ever decided to have a child. The doc told her that if she didn't fall pregnant in the time since we were together, then it wasn't going to happen without some additional help. Sidenote: we never used protection, both because neither of us had any STDs and because she had some hormone issues that messed with her before and was unlikely to fall pregnant. Well, both Kate and the doc were very, very wrong.

Anyhow, on the last day we were at St. Gotthard, our boiler got busted and we had to come back in September for repairs, so we went back on the weekend of 15 September with my parents. We did a bit of a hiking, visited Graz, had a nice dinner together at a local restaurant. It was all fine, but on the way back home, Kate's stomach was burning and she wasn't feeling particularly well. I joked with her that she was probably pregnant. It was not the first time I had jested with the topic, but in this case, I was actually right. Anyhow, it was about time for her period, but it just didn't come, so we waited a week, than another (as I said, things weren't exactly perfect hormonally, I witnessed a 10 day delay before) and still nothing. We were both getting anxious, so she bought a test and the next morning, we had our first result. According to the test, you got 1 vertical line if you weren't pregnant and 2 if you were. Well, we got two vertical lines, but one of them was distorted, only half showing. She kidded that it meant "maybe", but checking the info sheet in the test's package, it said that even if the second line shows up partially, it's a yes. Not satisfied, she bought another test and repeated it next morning. This time, it was a perfect two lines.

Neither of us knew how to react to the news. It took both of us a few days to get on terms with our feelings, but I immediately reassured her that I was glad that she was pregnant. She had her doubts, wondering how I felt about the idea, if our parents would welcome the idea and how things would work out at her workplace. It took me some time to convince her that I indeed felt happy about the two of us having a child and I told her that my primary fear was that she wouldn't be happy about. (She was getting fed up at work and was planning to go to Austria for work. And I sort of ruined that.) We kept the possibility of pregnancy a secret from everyone, until we finally gathered the courage to tell our parents. Thankfully, both sides were overjoyed with the idea, my Mom and Grandma even cried. We got a bit ahead of ourselves, because we still needed to visit the gyneacologist for a confirmation, but we were almost sure that the pregnancy wasn't just our imagination.

Last Wednesday (9 October 2013), we did visit the gyneacologist. I sat outside the room, playing with my cellphone and watching the news on TV. I knew she would be in there for at least 30 minutes, but around 45 minutes, I started to get worried. As it turned out, there was no reason for me to worry, as she emerged from the doc's office after an hour with an ultrasonography picture showing our future child. Just thinking about it makes me all jittery. According to the picture, the fetus is 7 weeks and 1 day old (8 weeks just this day!) and 9.9 mm long. We did a quick math and came to the result that the conception took place on 20 August. Auspicious, I'd say!

So, we have a lot of excitement ahead of us, which probably includes a small, family oriented wedding, but we still haven't made our plans yet. I look forward to see what the future has in store for us. 


And suddenly, the pipeline is bursting with new projects and schemes. Yet the time to reveal them is not upon us. But hope! For the near future shall bring revelations of singular magnitude!

Okay, that may have been overtly dramatic, not to mention cheesy, but hey, this is a teaser after all, it's meant to mess with your head. Oh, you can't wait? Well, bad luck, 'cause I ain't spoilin' no party and I'd hate to jinx ... whatever it is that might get jinxed.

Do be sure to check back next week, because we shall be unveiling this magnificent secret!


Moving In

Please accept my most insincere apology for not updating you, my dear LJ, but I didn't really have the inclination to blog about anything. However, as my relationship with Kate has taken a new step, I thought it was time to write about it.

Our first year anniversery was in April, when I proposed to her... that we should move in together. Had you there for a moment, right? Anyway, she happily agreed to my suggestion, but nothing happened at first. Of course, this was a deliberate move, since we agreed to do it step by step, instead of just rushing into it over a random weekend. Now this progress has reached a stage where I actually moved in, no longer going back and forth between my own and her place. The majority of my stuff is still at home and I admit that I have a hard time leaving behind my past 30 years, but I had to move on and this seemed like an appropriate moment. Of course, my parents are feeling down after my departure, but I try to drop in every day for half an hour to keep them (and myself) happy. Unlike my brother, who moved into the heart of city, I'm still near them, so the separation anxiety ain't as bad as it might be.

Work is the same as usually, I stopped gnashing my teeth (with a little help from a dentist) and my physical health is pretty decent as I am starting to get back into shape. A bit of a diet, a lot of work-out, but it'll be worth it.  

Progress Report

Where do I begin? Let me start with my customary apology for not posting, but considering the fact that I only write this blog for myself, I don't really need to apologise to myself. Theoretically, other people read it too, but all the social stuff simply migrated to Facebook and Twitter, which means this little dark hole of the Internet remains free of the taint of random likes. So why have I not written anything in the past months? Simple. I was too busy living the life I've always wanted to live.

My relationship with Kate is quite smooth. Sure, our tastes often differ in various topics (movies, books, music) and we don't always have something to talk about, but apart from this, everything seems to be fine. No hurt feelings, no drama, no assholery. We simply enjoy each others' company and live our life to the best of our abilities, trying to go forward. Not that it's easy, the current economic situation does not favour us, but I fervently pray for a positive change. We shall see.

Otherwise, I'm physically fine, although during the summer, I've managed to get myself a Grade 2 Calf Strain, which means a muscle in my left calf was partially torn. The pain it caused was more of an annoyance, when compared to the feeling of helplessness and the inability to act on my own. I've done what every other person does in such a situation: I tried to act as if everything was fine and stumbled around like an arrogant asshole. The real trouble was that this happened in early May, thus ruining all the sports activities we have planned for the summer. A real bummer, but I'm working hard to get back into shape before summer, so we can make up for what we have lost last summer.

This is it, in short. I probably have a lot of other things to talk about, but I don't really feel the need to write things down, even though I know I'm going to forget them by the time I look back at this post.


So, it turns out that I gnash my teeth when I'm asleep. It happens right after I fall asleep, it doesn't last long, but it's there. To be honest, I wasn't even aware of it until Kate mentioned it to me one morning. Well, okay, perhaps once, someone might have said that I was gnashing my teeth during sleep, but that was such a long time ago I totally forgot about it. Also, I don't suffer from any of the symptoms associated with maniac sleep-time teeth-gnashing, although there were things that, when looking back, might have been hints, but nothing regularly recurring. 

Today, I decided to look into this, which means I googled the problem to see what advice the internet would offer (LARGER PENIS! FREE VIAGRA! CHEAP WHORES IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD!). I found two reasons why it might be happening. One of them was quite obvious and Kate suggested that it might be the reason: stress. Now, I ain't no stone cold killer, but stress is something that I tend not to experience often. Sure, there are times when I get stressed, but this isn't the time, really. Not when I've time to write a blog post from work. So anyhow, I'm not suffering from any stress, although there is an excess of happiness and joy at having a relationship, but that's not something to subconsciously gnash my teeth at.

The other reason might be due to my upper jaw being further out than my lower jaw. This wasn't treated when I was a child and when I went to see a dentist about it, he said he'd have to pull two perfectly fine and healthy tooth to put my mouth in order. No thanks! I'll have plenty of chances of lose them in a more dignified matter. The internet said that the problem was basically that my teeth are trying to rest on each other - aw, how romantic! - but since they can't, my mouth automatically begins to move about, trying to fit my teeth together. Lemme tell ya, it ain't happenin'. 

What does not fit the bill? Well, apparently, I tend to stop after a short while (longest has been 20 minutes or so?), instead of going for a whole night. I can imagine that would be more annoying then 10 snoring bulldogs. And the other thing is, my teeth aren't suffering from it, at least apparently. There are minor things that hint at a long history of gnashing, but I'm not convinced that all of them are actually related. Some of them, yes, but not all.

I've found some solutions to this problem, but I don't have faith in them. During a 4 day weekend, Kate and myself went to Balaton for a little vacation. She said I didn't gnash my teeth while we were there (only on the first evening), but after we came back, I continued. This hints at the fact that my teeth gnashing might be a bit of both. Some of it is related to the bad setup of my teeth, while the other might be a small amount of stress. 

And this doesn't bother me because I'm afraid I'll lose my teeth, no, this bothers me because I fear that this might bother Kate. She says it doesn't bother her, but one small bad habit can turn nuclear in the long run. So better solve it as soon as possible.


One Month

I've tried writing a post after the first ten days, but so many things have happened that I decided to give up on it. It just didn't feel right. Anyhow, we're at the one month mark and things are still looking good on our end, so I guess this might last awhile. Of course, just one month is not enough to decide the really long term things, but currently, I would have no objection to this ending with a "happily ever after". Then again, I still have to survive a dozen PMS before I can make the big call. :)

Funny comment aside, we went on a 4 day vacation by ourselves and we managed to get over it without falling into boredom or suffering from any arguement or problem. I also took her to a guild meeting, which meant about two dozen very drunk WoW players and I know she didn't exactly enjoy the situation, but she didn't kill me for taking her, so I'm pleased to say that I've given her the biggest shock I could give. If she didn't bail out after such an experience, she is bound to last. Good for me! :)

So long story short, everything's fine and dandy. My only "concern" is that she doesn't speak English, which means going to the cinema is a tad bit problematic, because I love to watch movies in English, but if there are no subtitles, I can't bring her along. Oh well, minor logistics problem, nothing I can't handle.

Everything Went Better Than Expected

Everything Went Better Than Expected

That's my general impression about the whole weekend. Everything went better than expected.

So yes, I was dead on wrong about not expecting anything special for my 30th birthday, but man, was I wrong! Let me begin by referring back to my previous post about the two girls that I've been dating. Which is a bit of an overstatement, because with the beautician girl (hereinafter Kate), I was only jogging and the university girl was just one blind date. I knew that Kate was falling for me, even I managed to pick up the signs, but I wasn't sure about the university girl. I sent her a message on Friday, but she hasn't texted me back so I take it that one date was enough for her. I was a bit disappointed, but do I mind? Hell no!

On Friday, I was planning to go jogging with Kate, but the weather turned awesomely shitty, so she suggested that we go to this wellness place nearby. I tried to avoid showing off my belly early on, but since there was nothing worth watching in the cinemas, I decided to go to the wellness center. To be honest, I was also curious what she looked like naked, so lounging in a jacuzzi would probably get me as close to naked as possible. I was a bit anxious about the whole situation, but I put on my serious face and went along. We arrived at about half past six and went straight for the gigantic jacuzzi, then tried various temperature saunas and even swam a little bit, but the jacuzzi was the best. Nothing special happened, but the mood was spot on. After we soaked ourselves silly, she took me home (she was driving thankfully, my contact lenses went foggy from all that sauna). Before parting, we arranged our meeting for Saturday and I kissed her cheeks good-bye, but as I passed from one cheek to the other, her eyelids half-closed and she took a breath and I knew that I could kiss her. But I didn't.

That was either a good tactic or just a nasty way of increasing the tension, I still haven't made up my mind, but I decided not to kiss her just yet. 

On Saturday, I picked her up and went to see the Press Photo exhibit that was taking place in the National Museum. We strolled around, looking at pictures and discussing them. I did my best to stand as close to her as possible without putting my arms around her, but I kept gently touching her arm, elbow and back more and more frequently. Having seen all the pictures, we went over to a buddy's place for a grill party. Considering all the rain and wind, it was held indoors, but that wasn't a problem. There were only 6 of us altogether, so we had enough space. Being several hours late, we digged in and consumed some fine stuff. Since I was driving, I didn't drink anything, but the two other girls present were dead set on drinking everything alcoholic, so Kate was offered some wine and whiskey as well. She drank a little bit, but held back, while the other two girls totally got wasted. We played several rounds of Bang! and it eased the mood even more. 

During Bang!, I decided to make my move on her. Nothing drastic at first, I just gently brushed her knee (we were sitting next to each other, not surprisingly). Since she didn't object, I left my hand on her thigh for longer periods and since she still didn't seem to mind, I moved on to the next steps. Her hand kept hovering nearby, not doing anything, but suspiciously close to my hand. So I gently caressed her palm with just a fingertip, resting my finger in her hand to see what she would do. As if reluctantly, she began to hold onto my finger and accordingly, I put more of my hand in action. Within half an hour, we were holding hands so fast that we were having trouble playing cards with just one hand. After we got tired to Bang!, we decided to watch a very bad comedy and we lay next to each other on the couch, holding onto each other like little children during a thunderstorm.

With the drunk girls causing more and more rucus, we decided to take our leave before the rest of our hosts alcohol was consumed and consequently regurgitated. Thus avoiding mayhem, we all went on our way. On our way home, I asked her what she thought about my friends and thankfully her reaction was positive. Considering the only people present were from my Warhammer 40K (Dark Heresy) roleplaying group, I was a tad bit afraid that they might be too nerdy for her, but she managed to survive intact and with a good impression of them. We got back to her place at midnight, which indicated that it was the 8th of April, my birthday, so she wished me happy birthday and she leant over to kiss my cheeks good-bye. What could wait yesterday could wait no longer, so I leant towards her as well and kissed her on the lips gently.

Time flies when you're having fun, says Einstein's rule of relativity (this is a joke!), so I barely noticed that we were smooching for 15 minutes. I do know that I was trying to figure out what to do, how to refuse going in if she invited me, but thankfully, she wished me happy birthday in a hushed tone again and told me to go home and rest for the family festivities. I kissed her okay and went home.
And that's how my 30th birthday began, which was a pretty excellent start, if I may say so myself.

The family birthday party was pretty good, a lot of my closer relatives showed up and the mood was good. We had lots of tasy food to eat, an awesome cake and great gifts. I was really happy to be surrounded by so much love, but I could've done with a little more, so when everyone available tried to dodge taking the dog for a walk, I volunteered. I immediately sent a text message to Kate and asked her if she'd like to go take the dog for a walk with me. She didn't hesitate to join me and we went for a walk. Ozzy was rather happy that he could go on such a long walk, although he was tired as hell by the time we got back. Anyhow, Kate and I continued to hold hands and kiss as often as possible and I think she felt my "excitement" as we hugged each other tightly against the strong wind. As the temperature dropped rapidly, we decided to head back. I tried to invite her in for a piece of my birthday cake (no, not like that :P), but she declined due to the high concentration of unknown relatives. Nevertheless, before I kissed her good-bye, we decided to go to the Zoo on Monday.

At home, I concluded that it was one of the best birthdays I have had so far, I looked towards the next day in a rather positive mood. After purchasing something, I picked up Kate and headed for the Zoo. During the short trip, I told her that we're having a family good-bye dinner in a restaurant this evening, so I had to be back at home by 5. It took me a bit of an effort, but I managed to convince her to join us for the dinner. We had a good time in the Zoo, visiting mostly exotic animals and enjoying ourselves and each other as much as possible. This was our first proper date, which was actually labelled "DATE", so I tried to enjoy it as much as possible and I did. After the Zoo, we picked up my parents and headed for the restaurant. I'm not going to into details, but we ate lots of food and had a good time, like a proper family get-together. After the dinner, everyone went their separate ways, Kate and myself being taken home by my parents.

After we arrived at my place, my father offered me the car to take Kate home, but I told him we'd walk, after all, she only lives 4 streets away. Cold as it was, I hugged Kate and we strolled leisurely towards her place, kissing every now and then and just chatting about random stuff. At one point, we began hunting for the moon, because we couldn't see it. We walked around a bit, but couldn't find any sign of the moon, which was slightly disturbing, but we knew how to get rid of the tension. Finally, I stood in front of her house's gate and between passionate kisses, she asked me what would happen next. I said this could go two ways: I could go home and I could stay. She asked me which one I would like better.

Entering her house, she greeted her mom and her dog, so I greeted them as well, although it felt just a bit awkward. Her mother was kind enough not to inquire what I was doing there, but Kate's dog (a bitch) was anxiously sniffing my crotch, leaving no doubt as to the reason of my presence. With the embarrassing introduction behind us, we headed upstairs to her rooms (which is actually a fully functional little home) and she quickly showed me around before guiding me into her bedroom. It doesn't take too much imagination to figure out what happened next. Nevertheless, it's almost been 3 years since I've last been with a woman, so I gave it my best shot. It didn't exactly go perfect and I sure as hell hope this first impression isn't going to ruin anything, but if all goes properly, I will have plenty of occasions to make up for the initial blundering. 

Sleeping with a girl is a tough job when you are not used to it. I was having trouble sleeping properly, because various bodyparts decided to ache whenever I woke up. I'm used to falling asleep on my belly, which is a very solitary position, but attempts have been made to make it more girl-friendly (ha-ha, very funny). Waking up at 5:45am didn't exactly help either, especially since I had to get dressed and walk home to get ready for work. 

All things considered, these past four days have certainly went way better than expected. :)

Blind Date

Let me start by saying that whenever I put something down in my blog, I probably jinx it the moment I press the "Post to blog" button. Nevertheless, I don't believe - or attempt not to - in such things, so allow me describe my blind date, which took place on Wednesday (04/04/2012). 

I shall begin by introducing the situation. I signed up on an online jewish community site out of curiousity, but mostly because they have a dating service going on as well. Although I was afraid of getting sucked into the whole mystical mumbo-jumbo feeling of such communities, I made sure that my dating info quiet clearly announced that I wanted to have nothing to do with anything related to religion. I talked to a few girls, but most of them were so deep in the "jewish scene", so besides a few chance meetings, I didn't push my luck. (It's one thing to be (half-)jewish, but it doesn't mean I want to be involved in their frantic attempt at clinging to their obscure "jewish identity". But I digress.) 

So one day I get a message through this website from someone called Sarah. Instead of a regular introductory message, she said that according to my profile, I would totally be compatible with one of her girlfriends and we should really get to know each other. I quirked an eyebrow at the unusual message, but shrugged and wrote back that I wouldn't mind. So I was given an e-mail address, but no other information, not even a name! So I wrote a little e-mail and in a few days, I received a reply! The girl was called Alexandra, age soon-to-be-23 and studying two courses at a local university. I gave her some information about myself as well and we decided to set up a date.

Of course, it was easier said than done, because it took almost a month to find a time when both of us were available. We agreed to meet at a popular teahouse and so we did. I got there just on time, but she was late, so I kept looking around at the girls coming and going. Whenever a fat/ugly one came my way, I prayed that it wasn't her and of course, the opposite happened as well. And for the first time in Mankind's history, my blind date was a good looking girl. 

Sidenote: I have been on a few blind dates before, although that was back around 1999/2000. They have all been so nice and witty over the chat and according to their description, they didn't look half bad. What a shocker, all of them! No wonder they were trying to hook up over the internet! (Digital cameras were sort of rare back then, at least, hard to come by, so there usually was a good excuse not to have a picture available. No facebook back then either.)

So we proceeded into the teahouse and began chatting, mostly about general stuff. Who is she, who am I, what is the last number of Pi and all the other regular stuff. She admitted early on that this was her first ever blind date and she was a big apprehensive about meeting a total stranger, but her girlfriend apparently told her good things about me, plus sent her a photo of me. This, of course, set the mood at "awkward". I tried my best to be causal and funny at the same time and it worked pretty okay. I definitely managed to ease the mood a little, because in the beginning, she sat at the furthest chair at the table, turned sideways from me and fidgeted with her cellphone on a constant basis. Then, as time passed, her body language began to change subtly, she kept glancing up at me more, smiling more and eventually, she turned towards me. (My body language was probably a disaster, but I think it actually helped ease her nervousness.)

So we chated for two hours about totally random stuff, mostly along the lines of school, work, sports, life and previous relationships. I was a bit shocked when she brought up her ex-boyfriend and my friendzone sense began tingling, but apparently she was telling me these things because she was interested in what my previous relationships looked like. So I lied to her. Well, not outright lies, but half-truths, sprinkled with a fair dose of imagination. I mean, I couldn't tell her that I had no proper experience with relationships, not when I'm about to hit 30. Okay, sure, I could've told her the truth, but that would've been like kicking myself in the balls. It was bad enough when I admitted that I was still living with my parents. (Although I claimed that it was mostly due to financial reasons, which isn't that far from the truth.)

After we finished our teas, she announced that she was feeling a bit cold and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. In my book, refusing a romantic walk with a girl is in second place of things to avoid. First place is refusing an invitation for a coffee/tea/drink after taking her home. So we went for a walk, which went on (ha-ha!) for more than two hours. We just strolled left and right, back and forth between the various districts and sights, enjoying the warm air and each others' company. Of course, nothing goes according to plan and I began to run out of questions, which meant that after awhile, I was doing most of the talking and she was asking about me. It was okay, but I know that I should've been the one asking the questions. Well, this fault aside, she smiled more and looked me in the eyes more. (I couldn't help notice how beautiful her eyes and teeth were. Fuck me if I know why I feel so inclined to compliment her teeth.) 

We talked more in depth about our ambitions and plans (or their lack), our families and their situations, the political situation and just regular stuff. Finally, I escorted her to a bus-station where we parted, but there was a mutual agreement that we'd get in contact again. (Which reminds me, I will have to call her today.)

I feel that our first date, as blind as it was, went pretty well all things considered. I'm not good at telling what people think or feel when those thoughts/feelings are in relation to me, but I sensed that I managed to spark an interest in her. And I feel interested in her as well, she's smart, good looking and young, but I also understand that we might have differences that will not be so easy to overcome, if this budding interest goes anywhere. 

This, of course, brings me back to the basic problem of trying to date two girls at once. We shall see.



So I got a text message today from my friend today concerning my previous post, about the first paragraph where I said that I didn't have any friends. He was a bit ruffled by my statement and reading back, I can wholeheartedly understand him. 

My intention was mostly to describe my disappointment as regards to my inability to have a get-together with my friends. Sure, the occasion would've been my birthday and the timing wasn't perfect either (no one's fault, really), but if I didn't try and arrange it for myself, no one would arrange it.
The same goes for presents. (Don't misunderstand what's coming up next!) I try and put some effort into buying presents, although I often can't gauge what would be the best present, so I stick with regular stuff, like books and video games. Others tend to have better ideas, no denying it. But when it comes to my presents, it's always a bottle of alcohol of some kind or another. I'm not going to complain, because at least they spared a fraction of their time to go out of their way and buy me something, but after several years, the lack of thought going into these things ... concerns me? No. Just, sort of, ruffles my feathers the wrong way. (Just an example. When Chapel was still in town, not long before one of my B-days, every time I talked to him, I very subtly indicated that I'd like to get myself a red-dot for my airsoft gun. Guess what I got for my B-day? A bottle of alcohol.)

To be absolutely honest - not that I haven't been until now -, it's not the gift itself that really matters, but from the gift, you can judge if it's been given to you with YOU in mind. It's not the price that matters, but the emotions that go into such things. A nicely folded piece of paper (aka origami) can hold more worth than a luxurious gift. (Although I will not reject luxurious gifts either, after all, I'm a very generous guy when it comes to accepting gifts.)

So I would hereby like to correct myself in my previous post: I do have friends. I'm just not the center of the group and therefore receive less attention from the majority of the group, which sometimes makes me feel left out. Those few who care, those are my cherished friends. 

(And now I'm off to my totally blind date.)


Agent XXX

I'm less than a week away from hitting the third X. Undoubtedly an occasion for celebration, but it really doesn't feel like anything special, so I'm trying to avoid any possible hype. Not that there's a threat of people jumping me in their hundreds to wish me happy birthday. I have my family, my colleagues and my online buddies, but that's about it. Sort of sad, isn't it? Oh, wait, I have friends as well, but while they arrange the birthday parties of the "celebrities" within our group, I have to try and manage it on my own. It wouldn't even be too hard if it didn't coincide with Easter weekend.

Anyway, I didn't want to write on my blog to whine about myself, especially since I'm not even in the mood to do so, but I guess typing by myself just brings forth the unwanted mental debris. 

So what's been happening in these past few months, or at least since I've last blogged? Not much really, I've been going about my regular agenda, but with some determination this time. I've lost 6 kilograms in two months, I exercise on a daily basis and try to hold back on my need to eat. I definitely feel more fit and energetic then before, although getting up early in the morning is still a most unpleasent experience. Over 3 years of working at the same place and I still can't get up without feeling utterly comatose for half an hour before the pieces slide into place.

Part of the determination came from the simple fact that I stood on the scales and it showed an all-time new record, which scared me. Sure, being fat reduced my self-esteem, but the really big problem was my lower back, which hurt like a bitch all the bloody time. And that can't be right, not at my age. (Just for the record, I've fucked up my lower back around the age of 14 or 15, so it's been shitty ever since, but if my weight is within safety limits, it hurts sometimes, but not often. When I'm obese though, that's when it goes from annoying to outright painful.) So my back hurting and my Krav-Maga instructor telling me - in his very kind manner - that I'm move like a fat sloth, I decided to do something about it. And for a change, I actually did. I started doing jump ropes at home, approximately 20 minutes every day. It helped a lot with my rhythm, but me being fat and all, my muscles cried out for mercy.

Being something of a masochist, I continue to work out and attempted to east less. The two together provided a little bit of success, as my weight began to decrease at a slow and steady pace. I was fine with that, I knew that losing fast would lead to gaining it back fast. I still adhere to this rule and try to regular my feeding habits as much as possible, but there are moments when I can't help myself. I do feel guilty afterwards, though.

Things also started to get interesting on my emotional side. No, I don't mean that I broke down in tears often, although I must admit that I'm becoming soft. I watched Avatar after several years and fuck me if I wasn't moved almost to tears as they shot the world tree down. Ahem, so, where was I? Ah yes, emotional side. So I decided to update my dating profile on an online dating sight from the boring A/S/L/ info to something more interesting. It sparked the interest of multiple females, although there's been not much actual contant besides a few e-mails. One interesting case is where a girl sent me an e-mail, saying that judging by my description, I totally matched her girlfriend, so she set us up. It's been dragging for awhile, since said girlfriend was busy with school, but it seems that we'll actually be meeting this Wednesday (04/04/2012). We'll see how that turns out, blinds dates over the internet can be terribly disappointing, for both parties involved. Nevertheless, I'm curious, if nothing else.

And to complicate matters further, my mother's beautician showed interest in me. I've met her once before and I had good memories associated with her, so when my mother suggested to her that she and I should go jogging, I didn't object. I don't regret my decision, it's fun to go jogging with someone instead of doing it alone, plus she's cute and she more and more seems to be interested in me. However, since she got dumped half a year or so back, she's being rather careful and I can't blame her. Mostly because I still feel like checking out the other girl and because I'm not yet sure that we'll match. We come from very different backgrounds, which shouldn't be a problem in and of itself, but she's the practical, hard working girl, while I'm the lazy intellectual guy. How should I put it... she's cute, nice and good looking, but she's not an intellectual. Oh dear, that didn't come out right. She's simple, in a nice way, but it makes me uncertain that in the long run, that wouldn't drive me up the wall. 

Nothing to fear though, things are progressing slowly and there are still unexplored possibilities. I shall meet with the girl on Wednesday, see if she's as good looking as she is smart and if she feels like giving me a chance. After that, I will decide what to do. 

There is a problem that I haven't mentioned to anyone, although I can see my mother sometimes thinking those thoughts instead of me. I am indeed going to be thirty years old in a few days. The beautician girl is about half a year older than me, while the university girl is 23 years old. All things considered, if I chose (and get chosen by) the younger girl, I might go single for a very long time. And I don't wanna end up having my first kid at the age of 40. Now, the beautician girl is more my age, she's got awesome household skills, she's caring and nice and very dedicated. I could probably start a family with her and live without too many regrets, unless it came to talking to her for long. And I can't help but feel that I should probably choose the beautician girl and just go ahead with a family project, instead of trying to get into the panties of girls barely past 20. Not that I would mind, but I have to start thinking in longer terms and for that purpose, the beautician is the better choice.

So right now, I'm going to leave my options open, but I feel that letting such an opportunity slip by would be a big mistake.